Disappearing Act
“It wasn’t nice knowing you, but it sure is nice getting rid of you.”~Jarofquotes
Damn alopecia!
Most days I can embrace it with no problem. I love my beautiful bald crown.
Problem is all the other annoyances that most folks don’t know we alopecians have to deal with.
For instance, today I got what I like to call, “The Rubs”. The Rubs is when I start to itch in places I’ll mention like my nostrils and other places, well, let's just say you can use your imagination on that one….”any-who”...I got “the rubs” really bad this morning in my nostrils as I was waking up this morning and I remembered the day before I sprouted some hair inside my nostrils. Really? My body decides to grow some hair and you give me nostril hair! Oh, yes, I sprout hair sometimes in odd places, yet in other places hair NEVER grows. Oh I love how graceful alopecia is always surprising me! Anyway, when I sprout hair in those places, within a day or so, I begin to itch and I mean itch! I kept rubbing my nose and true to form, the hair in my nostrils was gone. My nose felt sore and dry. Guess I was having “The Rubs” in my sleep and rubbed a little too hard. I feel really uncomfortable.
Other times, I will sprout a hair really close to my ear on the side of my head, not even a patch, but just one hair. Oh and my favorite ?No eyebrow on the right and missing eyelashes on the left. They can never sprout and the same time and when they itch, well let's just say I look really gorgeous with puffy red eyes from “The Rubs”.
And did you know you can have more than one type of alopecia? Yes, that would be me. I have Central Centrifugal Cicatricial Alopecia also known as “scarring alopecia” that’s just on my head. On other parts of my body it is alopecia universalis otherwise known as, “no hair, no-where! With my type of alopecia, I experience redness on my scalp, blood, pus, painful irritations which sometimes require getting injections of corticosteroids in my scalp. I have ruined a few pillow cases and one of my favorite head wraps recently. I don’t have money to replace those things all the time. I can’t wear the wigs when my scalp gets like this of course. And now, it’s getting cold outside and I need to cover up. Not my favorite time of year. I experience infections sometimes from covering up the open wounds on my scalp. This is not fun when you’re trying to be romantic with your partner. Luckily, I have a partner who understands what I have to deal with and is supportive. I think about others like me who are going through this alone. I guess that’s why I blog about this stuff. I can’t imagine going through this alone.
This month, my nail beds have been horrible. They are cracked and rigid and worn. Can’t be the diva that I am and get my nails done!
Goodness! I sound like such a whiner! Always complaining and trying to stay two steps ahead of “my friend, alopecia”. It’s not always about having a cute round little bald head. Not for me anyway. And the thing is I always feel much guilt for not having something much worse. There are so many people in the world who like me and have a disease much worse than mine. I’ve spoken to other alopecians and they feel this way also. I think that we are entitled to feel the way that we feel about our hair loss. It is what it is. Besides no matter what you might be going through somebody out there is always “catchin’ more hell than you. “ I need to be thankful for not having something much worse and pray for those fighting ailments much worse than mine.
In the meantime, I have a new friend, I hold him close and dear to my heart and in my hand. It’s my trusty razor! My razor and I will fight hair for hair, spud for spud, sprout for sprout! What I’ve come to realize in my journey to self-acceptance is that in the beginning of losing my hair, I did everything to try and save each and every strand of hair. Now, I stand strong, waiting for the next sprout, armed and dangerous with my razor, ready to mow that lawn down!
Seems I’ll do whatever it takes to protect my beautiful crown. The same beautiful crown I despised so greatly in the beginning of losing my hair.
In the beginning of losing my hair, I felt that things were out of my control. Today, I’m in control. It’s a wonderful feeling.
Be Bald and Be Happy! Holla!
~Love, Crowned Regal