Identity Smack !

Having alopecia can be a tricky thing.

Some days I don’t know if the feelings I’m experiencing is because of me being too sensitive or because of other people insensitive comments about my alopecia.

Because of this, I find myself always running through this mental checklist of things, checking myself, asking myself, “Is it me?” before I react to other people’s comments. Why should I care what other’s think? Well, there are times when I absolutely don’t care and other times when I need to at least give what they say some thought. Here’s a story, I’d like to share…

I found myself in an intelligent conversation with an intelligent man. We exchanged ideas at an evenly and thoughtful manner at first. As the conversation progressed, we came to a “fork in the road”, where upon a disagreement ensued. We began to banter back and forth. I wouldn’t say it was an argument, but more like a friendly debate. As the debate continued, I could feel our emotions escalate. I think we both knew at that moment it was time to “cut the cord” and end the conversation. Now here’s where it gets tricky.

I hoped we could end the conversation gracefully by mildly changing the subject,

but before I could say anything, he looked me in my face and said, “Oh, by the way, one of your eyebrows is rubbed off.” He said this in a very low and condescending manner. Now to some of you reading this may say to yourself, “So what!”. To me?..it was so much more than that. Well, for one, I had hoped he’d come back with something a little more intelligent. Secondly, I felt angry and hurt. Why? Because someone who couldn’t come up with a better response would feel the need to call attention to my lack of hair on my face knowing full well that I am an alopecian. He knew I would be caught off-guard by that statement. Clearly, he was trying to get back at me for making him angry. Also, it wasn’t just that, I spent a long time, drawing in those damned eyebrows that day with that damn new eyebrow gel I just spent 20.00 for at the damn store for the day before!

You see for many of us with no hair, our facial features and that alone is our identity. It was like he smacked me in my identity. That’s what it felt like to me. I feel his comments were insensitive. Some people might think I was being “too sensitive.” Here’s that “tricky” part I was talking about earlier. If I turned the situation around and looked at him, found something about his features and did the same, would he be hurt or angry? How would he have handled it?

As an alopecian woman, I hear these types of comments, day in and day out. Some even say, “Well then you should be used to it by now!”. No, wrong. If I slapped you in your face everyday, day in and day out, would you get used to it? I think not. So, what does one do to handle these situations?

First, no “knee-jerk” reactions! You can’t fly off the handle or be quick to judge the person. Nothing good will come out of that. This is where I do that mental check list and check myself, asking myself, if it’s me being too sensitive or if I’m dealing with someone’s insensitivity. If it’s the latter of the two, then I educate. I may not do this at that very moment...but if I’m lucky enough at some point I’ll discuss my feelings about what happened and educate that person and bring awareness about the issues I have about my alopecia. If I never get another chance to do this, then that person is probably not worthy of my time in doing this anyway.

Don’t internalize other people’s issues about your alopecia.

Don’t allow them to slap you in your identity.

Have a nice day. Love, Crowned Regal